You won’t find me by the merch stall.
You won’t find me down the front;
My doctor says that moshing may bring on a heart attack.
If they’re serving decent beer
You might find me at the bar
Or I’ll be standing with the musos at the back.

I hang out by the sound man
In case he needs my expertise –
My mate’s mate once produced a Bowie album track.
Just shout up if you need me,
You know exactly where I’ll be;
Standing with the musos at the back.

They all hang out back here,
The critics and the notable.
Once I even got to speak to Steve Lamacq.
It’s that kind of interaction
You don’t get down the front,
So I’m standing with the musos at the back.

There’s a very specific uniform
For joining this little clique –
Ozric Tentacles t-shirt and always dressed in black.
I’ll claim it sounds much better
When you’re way back here,
Standing with the musos at the back.