Everyone knows he’s a big massive liar.
His attempts to defend are just dire.
Not one person thinks
that they were just ‘work drinks’.
He’s bald and his pants are on fire.

Tingle balls,
Tingle balls,
Tingle all the way.
Oh what fun it is to sting one’s nipsy twice a day!

Who ended the career of the great Todd Carty?
Who forced us to withdraw the sweet blue Smartie?
While you were all grieving, who forced us to party?
The tofu-eating wokerati.

Who removed the toxic inks from Sharpies?
Who’s the modern Senator Joseph McCarthy?
Who forces us to take cash from the oligarchy?
The tofu-eating wokerati.

Who assassinated Russell Harty?
Who said you can’t drive after a bottle of Bacardi?
Who is the real Professor James Moriarty?
The tofu-eating wokerati.

My cats are twats.
A duo of dickheads,
A pair of prize pillocks,
A brace of bellends.
My cats are twats.

My cats are twats.
A couple of cockknockers,
The tosser twosome,
Prat partners.
My cats are twats.

My cats are twats.
Toolboxes in tandem,
The fabulous furry fuckhead fraternity,
A deuce of doofuses.
My cats are twats.

People pissing in bottles and jars
So you can ride your white cock to the stars.

Destroyed our high street, ruined the place,
So you can ride your white cock into space.

This is the end game? When there’s no more tax to avoid,
You ride your white cock to the void.

Added nothing to understanding our sense of place.
It’s just you in your white cock in space.

Very nice lady matched me online
And we got to chatting. We
Spoke online all day, all night until,
Eventually, I plucked up the courage to ask her out. We met up, had a
Couple of drinks, talked and
Talked for hours. It was great. Wind it
On a couple of years, we’re getting married, but neither of us want
More kids. Anyway, how’s
Your day going?