I’d like to go on the Orient Express,
To travel with such style and grace.
But whenever I look to see if I can book, 
It’s full of folk who won big on The Chase.

It all looks so terribly fancy,
Silver service for breakfast and dinner.
I want to see Istanbul, but the thing’s always full
Of people who outran Paul Sinha.

Perhaps I need lower ambitions –
Find somewhere less exotic to be.
Go on Pointless instead and win just enough bread
For a weekend in Southend-on-Sea.

But I would still like to go on it,
Where Poirot solved his most famous case.
But I won’t reach this goal with a Mastermind bowl
So I’ll have to win big on The Chase.