In the opinion polls you are slumping.
Of you, the electorate want rid.
No more words need be said,
Go jump into bed;
Have a kid, have a kid, have a kid.

Your celebrity marriage is crumbling.
The papers don’t fete you erelong as they did.
Put those rumours to ground
Of your shagging around;
Have a kid, have a kid, have a kid

You’ve done this quite a few times now.
On procreation you can’t keep a lid.
Not sure the amount,
Wikipedia lost count.
Fuck it, have a kid, have a kid

Been caught doing something you shouldn’t?
Fans deserting you, god forbid?
You know just what to do
When you’re in a snafu;
Have a kid, have a kid, have a kid.

You said something borderline racist.
What’s been done though can be undid.
If you’re making the news
For unpalatable views
Have a kid, have a kid, have a kid.

Have a kid, have a bairn, have a babby,
Have a wean, sprog, Bambino, bin lid.
When you feel your reputation
Is in need of restoration
Have a kid. Have a kid. Have a kid.