1. Never drink owt you can’t see through
2. Never eat anything bigger than your head
3. Never have a pet that does bigger shits than you do (courtesy @sugwindfire)
4. Wear socks, you prick
5. And while you’re at it, you might as well make them good socks, and matching ones at that
6. You don’t need wheeled luggage; you need to carry less stuff
7. Be less Morrissey, be more Johnny Marr
8. Never joke about someone else’s shed (courtesy @NorthernWrites)