1. Never drink owt you can’t see through
2. Never eat anything bigger than your head
3. Never have a pet that does bigger shits than you do (courtesy @sugwindfire)
4. Be less Morrissey, be more Johnny Marr
5. Never joke about someone else’s shed (courtesy @NorthernWrites)
6. Don’t take criticism from people you wouldn’t take advice from
7. Stop buying tech purely designed to point out your perceived shortcomings